Ask a Badass

Stop thinking and start doing. Now. Whatever Rubicon it is you are trying to force yourself to cross, go do it. Without a moment’s more thought. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Good. Now, as to how you got here. The world you live in only works if some people make themselves smaller. All sorts of messaging and pressures are passed along in media and movies and songs and in “everybody knows”. Your mistake was to listen to any of it unquestioning. All you know for certain is your own experience. Everything else you hear, you must evaluate before taking to heart. Yes, even this.

In some ways, the world I lived in was easier. We didn’t pretend to be equal. We told our children that God ordained a place for everyone. As a woman, my place was to be mild and meek. As a bastard, my place was to be grateful for what I could get. For all my stepmother’s education, it wasn’t until I married that I truly questioned that idea.

My husband was a nice man, wealthy enough and noble enough for any bastard to be grateful. And he was an idiot. Without me, we never would’ve gotten Forli. If he’d listened to me, we would’ve gotten so much more. And he couldn’t even hold the lordship of Forli. He left himself open to the most inconveniently timed assassination.

His assassins held me captive while they attempted to secure the Forli fortress that was resisting them. They, like everyone else who had dismissed and underestimated me, expected me to be a silent prisoner. I used their mistaken belief against them. I got them to send me as ambassador, then sent my defiance once my hold was secure.

I encourage you to try the same approach. You do not have to change the mind of the entire world, nor limit your dealings only to those who realize that women are their equals. You do not need to narrow your ambitions or prospects based on what others think of you. You do, however, need to fight vigilantly against all attempts to narrow your vision of yourself.

You need to build an impregnable fortress in your mind. Guard there your knowledge of who you are, of the value and worth that is intrinsic to you and given to you be no one else. Pace the ramparts daily. Mend every chink, every slight defect. The world will try constantly to besiege you, to make you surrender into becoming something lesser. Keep your own image of your strength intact.

Once you have that feel free to take full advantage of anyone who underestimates you. Their limited vision is not yours to fix or manage. I wore the name “Tiger of Forli” with pride. So too should you take any sign of those around you feeling threatened and wear it as a badge of pride.

The world will not reward you for being small. Your only option is to make your reach as vast as your ambition.

Caterina Sforza